Last Thursday night I had an epiphany of sorts. I like my life.
I know this may sound silly or dumb or obvious, but laying in bed that night it just hit me. I like my life. Actually, I kinda love it.
I may have days when I’m lonely and I wonder how I ended up 38 years old and alone. I may have days when I want to quit my job. I may have days where I want to run away. And I may have days where I just wonder “WHY?!”
But then I have days like today. Days when I realize that I’m okay with how things are. When I like that I have my own house and my own space. That I don’t have to live by anyone else’s rules. That I can paint the walls any color I like, have wine and cheese for dinner, and potentially fuck up my bathroom vanity trying to paint it white (which I didn’t BTW). Days when I thank God for the day that my ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce. It may have taken me close to 9 years to realize it, but it quite possibly could have been the best thing to happen to me.
I still have days when something goes wrong and I get angry that there isn’t someone here to help me. Or times when I have a bad day and just wish there was someone waiting to give me a hug. Or those times when I look at everyone else’s lives and wonder why I can’t have that. And some times I even have days when I wonder how certain people have relationships and I don’t.
I’m single, I live alone, and I have no kids. But that is okay. I have a job that gives me the opportunity to do things I wasn’t able to before. I own my own house and car. I write a blog that has allowed me to do some pretty bad ass stuff. I have the worlds most AMAZING best friend. I have a beautiful niece who I love more than I thought possible. I have fantastic parents and fabulous friends. I’ve traveled more in the last 5 years that the 33 years before that. I’ve run 18 half marathons and countless other races. I’ve had SO MANY adventures.
So even though my life might not have all the things I thought it would, it has so many things I NEVER thought possible. I live MY life by MY rules. It may not be perfect, it may not be the life I would have originally chosen for myself, but it is MY life and I think I like it.