I would be lying if I said that 2014 got off to a great start. Heck, it hasn’t even gotten off to a good start. I was hoping that 2014 would be “my year” but if the first 2 weeks are any indication, this year is gonna suck. I know that we all put a lot of pressure on the beginning of the year. Hoping that flipping the calendar to a new year will magically make things better. I know that isn’t how it works, but that doesn’t change how crappy things have been so far.
Last week was my first week back to work after the holidays and it was just one thing after another. I felt like every new day brought another messed up situation that had me yelling “REALLY?!” at some point during my day. I’m sure at least once or twice I was overheard by someone who thought I was losing my mind. I took advantage of my weekend and tried to decompress. I had dinner with a friend on Friday night and then laid low the rest of the weekend. I ran, did laundry, ran errands, watched tv, and slept. By Sunday night I wasn’t feeling great about things, but I was at least willing to give this year another chance.
And then Monday happened.
I had been at work only an hour and a half when I got the call that no one likes to get. The one that starts with “I have some sad news…” and ends with “…is gone.” One of my favorite ladies at work had passed away the day before. I run a senior activity center and have become close with a good number of folks that come there. This particular lady was amazing! She came in every Monday and Friday – she was always a bright spot in my week.
The rest of Monday was a bit of a blur. The group she was a part of started arriving shortly after I got the news. We spent the next two hours crying, laughing, hugging, and crying some more. I took my lunch break and left to just give myself a chance to think. I spent the hour eating my sandwich and trying to wrap my head around what happened. I just kept going back to thinking “But I just saw her last week and she was fine!”
When I arrived home that night I was able to distract myself with different activities, but as soon as I ran out of things to do I started thinking about her again. I cried myself to sleep. Tuesday I was just in a bit of a haze and again tried to distract myself. I found out her funeral would be the next day and made arrangements so that I could attend since it was during work hours. I ended my night with an hour of yoga and hoped it would help center me for the next day.
On Wednesday I tried not to think too much as I dressed for the funeral. I had to go to work for two hours before hand and just prayed that no one would ask why I was dressed up. I arrived at the funeral just as some of the other ladies from her group were arriving. Almost the entire group showed up and we took up over 4 rows in the chapel. I was so glad that everyone came together to celebrate her life and be together during such a tough time. The service was beautiful and even though I cried through most of it, it was exactly what I needed. I’m not totally sure I believe in people needing funerals for closure, but I do know that it helped me personally.
I spent last night having dinner and drinks with a friend. Its amazing what some martinis and a good friend can do to lift your spirits. I felt a little bit better today. I know that tomorrow will be rough because I usually see her on Fridays. When I was closing up today I walked by the chair she usually sits in when she comes in on Friday and I almost lost it. I couldn’t bare the thought of her not being in that chair tomorrow. Or ever again.
I was lucky enough to have dinner tonight with another friend. It made me think of all the ladies in that group and how lucky they are to have each other to lean on. I may not have that large of a group of friends, but the ones I do have are amazing. There is no way I could have gotten through the last few days without them. I am a lucky girl.
So as I go into the final day of the work week I know I will spend a lot of it thinking about the week finally being over. I’ll think about all sorts of other things to distract me from what is really going on. I’ll count down the hours until I can lock up and go home. And I’ll hope that maybe, just maybe, week #3 of 2014 will go a tiny bit better. I try to laugh and say “It can only go up from here right?” But I also know that saying that is like cursing yourself. Oh no Meghan, it CAN get worse. But I’ll try to put my best foot forward and give 2014 another shot. Third times a charm right?