I’m pretty sure that most single people have been playing around on dating apps while stick home during this quarantine. It’s hard not to. You can only scroll through Facebook so many times before your eyes start to cross. Plus, more people at home means more options right?

I really have NEVER had any luck with dating apps, but I still find myself looking around when I get bored. During the last couple of weeks I’ve noticed a lot of different things about people’s profiles that drive me nuts! So today I’m going over the five things that I think you shouldn’t do on your dating profile.

1. Pictures of your dog – No one, male or female, should be allowed to put pictures of their dogs on their profiles – it just isn’t fair. I find myself giving more attention than is warranted to profiles because of cute dogs. WRONG! Feel free to mention your dog, but don’t use that cute puppy to land dates.
2. Pictures of your kids – I understand and want people to be honest about if they have kids, especially if they live at home, but don’t put pictures of you with your kids on there. Can you really not find a nice picture of yourself without your kids in it? Oh, of the ones where they put emojis over the kids faces. Again, is this the best you’ve got. I’d rather a selfie picture over a kid pic any day. Or I don’t know, maybe use that nifty timer feature to get a picture of yourself. It really isn’t that hard.
3. Details about your junk – Seriously, nothing you say about your manhood or how things are landscaped down there is going to help convince me to swipe right. And please, if you REALLY think you need to mention it, don’t make it the first line.
4. Pictures of anything other than yourself – I don’t need to see your car, or a fish you caught, flowers, or a boat, or anything else that isn’t YOU. And for the love of Pete, don’t make it the first picture in your dating profile. You could look like Brad Pitt, have 3 degrees, a great job, a stellar personality, and a house in the Hamptons, but if your first picture isn’t of you I’m gonna swipe left. And if you don’t want to put pictures of yourself on a dating app, then I suggest you find another way to find a date.
5. Use text shortcuts or emojis – Come on, do I really even need to talk about this one? These apps don’t require that you write much or even anything at all, so the least you can do if you are going to write is to use complete words and sentences. Is it REALLY that much harder to type and than n?

I seriously thought about posting pictures to go along with these, but that really wouldn’t be very nice now would it? So instead I will head back to the dating apps and swipe right on people i’ll probably never meet in person. Toodles!