Earlier this month one of my friends shared a great article with me titled “Ten things your single friends are tired of hearing.“ I loved it. I couldn’t stop giggling for probably an hour afterwards. As I read through the article I felt like this girl had gone in my head and pulled these out. I agree with almost all of them, so I decided to share them (and my thoughts) here.
And please keep in mind that she wrote that article to be funny and I too feel my responses are meant to be funny/silly. Yes, there are days when people say these things and I SERIOUSLY want to strangle them. Or days when I totally “hate” my married friends. But 99.7% of the time I’m okay with being single and love everyone else that isn’t. That being said, here we go!
1. “You’ll find it when you aren’t looking!”
Head. Desk. Smack! Well I’ve tried looking and I’ve tried not looking, but here I am almost 35 and still single. If not looking were the way to go we would all be in the perfect relationship and married by the time we were 4.
2. “You can’t be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself first.”
Who said I’m not happy with myself? And excuse me very much, but I know PLENTY of people who aren’t 100% happy with themselves but are happy in a relationship. Show me one person that is super happy with themselves. Aren’t we all constantly looking to improve ourselves?
3. “You’re still young, you got all the time in the world.”
I am almost 35 bitches! I don’t wanna be popping out kids at 40. I do not have the body or the budget Halle Berry has, so that isn’t the ideal plan for me. But this really isn’t about age, its about seeing everyone else you know married/having kids/pregnant and thinking “when is it my turn?!” And do you notice how it is always people who got married 10 years ago that say this kinda stuff?
4. “You deserve someone who wants to give you everything.”
Really? I was thinking about finding a stingy bastard who only thinks about himself. Thank you for clearing that up for me.
5. “You’re looking in the wrong places.”
Ugh. I could give my thoughts on this, but the ones from the article sum it up quite nicely, so I’ll let her answer this one…
“This one’s particularly good. Because then I get to ask the follow up question of “then please tell me where I should be looking.” Tell me more about this magical land that you found your significant other? OH, was it WORK? Or was it the GYM? Or were you SET UP? Please tell me, because I guarantee, I have had some type of dating experience with someone from each place you say is the “right” place to look. You fuckheads seem to think all of us single people just go out to bars and get trashed and try to marry the first thing that buys us a round of shots. Just because I go to bars occasionally does not mean I have a belief I’m going to meet the man I’m going to marry in a Cabo Cantina. Consider that sometimes we just want some vodka and loud music. You know, to drown out your shitty dating advice.”
6. ”You should try online dating!”
You think I haven’t tried this? Or tried FOUR different dating sites? Online dating is currently the worst thing ever. It is just… ugh. “Internet dating is essentially Craigslist missed connections with direct messaging and a few more pictures of Carl’s body after a workout.” Yup, totally.
7. “You’re too picky.”
Wait a minute, didn’t you just say I deserve someone that wants to give me everything? And excuse me very much for knowing what I want in a man/relationship and looking for that. I’ve been down this road before and things are a lot clearer this time around. I’d rather be single and picky than in a relationship and settling. No thank you.
8. “Oh hey, but also, never settle.”
See above! Make up your damn mind.
9. “You need to put yourself out there more.”
Oh. My. Gawd!
10. “I’m Engaged!”
I don’t hear this as much anymore, so it really doesn’t bug. Hell, it didn’t really bug me before. I want my friends and family to find that special someone and be happy. And I’d NEVER want them to think they couldn’t share that with me because of the fact that I’m single. Do I want that one day? Of course. Do I not want to hear about it because it might make me a little sad afterwards? Not at all.
Honestly its the “I’m Pregnant!” and sonogram photo posts that really get to me these days. I currently feel like everyone in the damn world is pregnant but me. But what I said above still applies, I want to know about your exciting news. Just don’t be surprised if I’m secretly at home wishing you horrible morning sickness. Which I really wouldn’t even wish on someone because that is just mean. Unless I hate you. Then I’m definitely wishing that on you.