I’ve been divorced for one year!

Somehow I’ve been divorced for a year all ready. It is kinda funny because the 19 months that it took to get divorced seemed to drag on for-e-ver. But the 12 months I’ve actually BEEN divorced have just flown by. My best friend told me recently, when we were having a conversation about whether or not I was self-centered, that I’ve gotten a lot better since the divorce. Even her husband mentioned how I’ve “changed for the better.” I guess that’s good right?

I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to say/do today (other than have a very LARGE margarita).  So I decided to just make a list of things that have happened since then. Things I’ve noticed. That kind of thing. So here we go!

• Right around the time I got divorced I also lost my job. Then I took a part-time job, instead of being on unemployment, until something better came along. Well I’m happy to say that the part-time job turned into a full-time job… like 4 days ago. Tee hee. That job brought along with it a raise, benefits (hooray for health insurance for the first time in 3 years), and vacation time. It also brought along with it a sense of stability… well, at least a little more stable than this time last year.
• I’ve been dating. It is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it is weird too. Being 32 and dating someone new is just weird. But it is nice to know I’ve still got it 😉 HA HA HA.
• I’ve been living in the same apartment for over two years now. I tried in the fall to get a house when my lease was up, but it just didn’t pan out. So I just resigned my lease and decided I would wait and see what happened on the job front. Now that I’m full time the search has begun again and it is NOT going any better than the first time. Most days I just want to say screw it, but I also know that I need to get out of an apartment and into a real house. With a yard for my pup. She deserves a yard after everything she’s been through.
• I’ve gotten better about “him.” For a long time I would only call him by things other than his name (and some of them actually weren’t that awful). But it has gotten to where I call him by his first name on occasion. Sometimes it is an accident. Sometimes it is intentional. I guess that means I am moving on right? Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of ever being in the same place with him at the same time every again… but I can at least call him by name if needed. *Side note: I did speak to him twice during the wedding we were in last spring AND I called him by his name. So there.
• I’m not as angry as I used to be and that makes me very happy. I mean, its not like I LIKED being angry. I was just so upset about what had happened and how it was going that I couldn’t help but be angry a lot of the time. I just didn’t know how else to feel. Am I still angry at him? Of course I am. I’m just not an angry person all the time. Does that make sense?
• I had a hard time after the divorce with people who just assumed that everything would be fine now that the divorce was final. Um, excuse me but I JUST got divorced from someone I’d been with for close to 10 years AND it took 19 totally stressful months to do so. I had to start all over again (new home, new city, new job, new everything) and I wasn’t just going to be “fine” because a couple pieces of paper had been signed.  I can honestly say that I am 10 times better than I was this time last year, but it took awhile to get here. Unfortunately I lost some people along the way, but the ones that stuck around have shown me what its like to have true friends.
• Pepper is doing good. She turned 7 in February. Other than a few (okay, maybe more than a few) gray hairs on her chin, you would never guess that she is 7. She loves hanging out on the porch, going to the dog park, hanging out at grandma’s house, wrestling with the boy, laying on the couch, chewing on rawhides, sleeping on her back, going for runs along the lake (she likes  this, momma does not), and going to visit her Auntie and Uncle in Tampa 🙂 She is my rock. I know that is kind of a sillything to say about a dog, but it is true. I NEVER would have made it through the last 2.5 years without her. Have I mentioned that she HATES when people cry? If you are crying, she will come over and lick you CONSTANTLY until you stop. Even if you don’t WANT to stop crying you will do it just to get her to leave you the hell alone. She’s a smart pup!
• I GREAT BIG PUFFY HEART my bestie 🙂
• Running – I’m still doing it! Since the divorce I’ve run 2 half marathons, a 10k, and a bunch of 5ks in between. I had my best 1/2 marathon time ever at the race in Savannah, my best 5k time at a race here at home, and my best 10k time this past weekend. I’m getting there, slowly but surely. One of these days I won’t finish near the back of my age group… but until then, I’ll just keep on truckin’. My mom and grandpa bought me some fancy new running shoes at the Disney’s Princess 1/2 Marathon Expo, but they are a birthday gift. So I don’t have them yet. I think I may have talked my mom into giving them to me sooner. I need my spiffy new shoes! I’m sick of losing toenails damn it!
• I have been reading A LOT. In January of this year I decided to cancel my cable. I got a subscription to Hulu Plus so I could still watch some of my shows though. But I’d much rather pay $8.99 a month for that than the $70+ I was paying for cable. Since I have free time at night I have been reading a lot. I’ve read 16 books since the beginning of the year. I read the Hunger Games trilogy in 4 days. I am DEFINITELY putting the public library system to good use 🙂

So I think that’s about it. I’ve been divorced a year now and things are getting better. They aren’t great and there are definitely days when I want to say f*ck it and crawl into a hole, but it’s definitely getting better. I’m getting better.