In a few weeks it will have been 3 years since my divorce was final and almost 5 years since my ex-husband left. Where has the time gone?! If you asked me 5 years ago where I thought I’d be at almost 35 years old my answer would not have been “single.” It would have involved kids, or my dream house, or plans for my upcoming 10th wedding anniversary. Some days are harder than others, that’s for sure.
When I start to get irritated about being single I try to make a list of perks, to offset the drawbacks….
- I don’t have to clean up after anyone else (other than the dog)
- I don’t have to share my bed/bathroom/kitchen or pretty much anything else
- At the end of a bad day there is no one there to irritate me (although, this can be a bad thing too)
- No big shoes to trip over
- No one leaving empty glasses all over the house
- WAY less laundry to do
- I can watch whatever I want on TV
- If I don’t want to cook I don’t have to (not that I really cook when I’m in a relationship either)
- I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want
Sounds fabulous huh? Not really. I’ve never been a real good “single girl.” I didn’t date a lot in college, or any other time in my life, so all this is still so foreign to me. Being an only child I’m actually pretty good at being alone, so its not just that. I am fine at amusing myself and a lot of the time I don’t mind being alone at all. Maybe like John Mayer says, I’m Perfectly Lonely? But in the end I want to get married and have kids and live happily ever after. And the closer I get to the big 3-5 the more I feel like the window is being slammed shut. And then nailed shut. And maybe even has some caulk around that sucker for good measure.
Mainly I miss having that other person in my life. Someone to do stuff with and go places with. Someone to talk to when I’ve had a bad day. Someone to hug. Have I mentioned how much I miss hugs? Its pretty awful. My dog really isn’t the best at giving hugs. Believe me, I’ve tried. Someone that I can depend on. Someone to celebrate the good times and help you get through the bad ones. Someone to curl up on the couch with. And yes, of course I miss the constant access to naked time. I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t at the top of my list.
All my friends wish they could help but they are at the same place I am – completely out of ideas. Most of them don’t know many single guys anymore or wouldn’t want to set me up with the ones they do know. They know I don’t do bars and night clubs, but who really wants to meet their match at a bar at 34 anyhow? Any sort of dating events scare the piss out of me. And online dating seems to have just been a bust. And my industry doesn’t involve a lot of people my age, so work related stuff is out too.
My mom keeps asking me why I don’t meet more guys with all the running stuff. Well first off, most guys are WAY speedier than I am. So even if I meet someone I might be interested in, next thing I know they are off and running (ha ha) and then I don’t see them again. Second, it seems that right now close to 70% of race participants are female. That really doesn’t help me out! And then of course there is that fact that a large portion of people my age are already coupled up or married.
I was hoping that dating would get off to a better start in 2014, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I try not to think about it but its damn near impossible not to. At least now it is, sorta, easier to handle then say… 3 years ago. On one hand I’m more use to the situation but at the same time my brain likes to constantly remind me that I’m almost 35 and single. Not nice brain, not nice!
Since dating doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me right now I guess I will just focus on other things. I’m starting to feel better, so hopefully running will be happening more often. And I’ve decided to road trip it to the 1/2 marathon I’m doing in Raleigh next month. So I guess I will just shoot through getting through one month at a time and see where I end up.