The loss of a pet

I kept going back and forth about whether to write a post about Pepper or not. For the last week I’ve pretty much thought of nothing else.

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I don’t want to be at home because everything reminds me of her, but Iย haven’t been overly interested in hanging out with anyone because I really can’t think of anything else to talk about. I’ll feel like I’m doing better and then the littlest things will set me off. Seeing her dish still in the kitchen (I just can’t get myself to put it away), not having her come upstairs to greet me in the morning, or thinking about how when I dropped her off at the vet Wednesday morning I never thought in a million years that I wouldn’t be bringing her back home.

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Pepper was the love of my life and for the last 5 years she was the one constant in my life. She helped keep me sane during my divorce, made my first apartment (and then townhouse) afterwards seem more like home, she was my travel buddy, my tv watching companion, and a constant fixture on the end of my fairly small couch. We were best buds.

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She knew how I was feeling before I’d even figured it out. She was always smiling. She put up with all the silly things I’d do to her for the sake of a picture. She would cheer me up and still give me kisses even if I yelled at her. She would “dance” in my room every day when I got home for work. She loved rawhide bones. She was best friends with my mom’s dog. She loved everyone. And she loved me unconditionally.

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Its been a week and I still can’t believe that she is gone. I can’t believe that I’ll never see her smiling face again. Or see her when I walk in the door. I feel like I’ve been robbed. I have to keep reminding myself that she isn’t here, or sleeping somewhere else, or at the doggie hotel. I miss her so much.

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Everyone tells me that its okay to be upset and that it will take time to get over it. My friends and family have been so wonderful during all this. When I feel like I’m posting too many pictures or crying too much they remind me that its okay. That they understand. I would be an absolute mess if it weren’t for them. I haven’t seen them very much (my choice) but the texts, emails, and calls have made such a difference.

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The day she died I posted about it on Facebook and over 100 people made comments. I couldn’t believe it. Each comment made my smile, cry, and realize just how much my sweet angel impacted the lives of everyone that met her. She really was a special animal.

I may need to take a little break from blogging because I can’t clear my mind long enough to write about much of anything. Even this was hard because I kept crying and getting off on tangents. Could you imagine me trying to write a post with substance right now? Ha! But I promise that I will be back and eventually I won’t be all mopey and going on and on about my dog.

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14 comments

  1. Devon says:

    Oh, honey. I was JUST there in March. I said goodbye to my sweet doxie. Its hard and it sucks, but she had a wonderful life with you. <3

  2. Jenny says:

    It’s so hard to lose your furry family members…especially when it’s unexpected. Pepper had the best mama!!

  3. Diana says:

    I’m so sorry hun. Pets can be such a huge part of our lives. They see us at our worst and still love us. It really is something special. I’m sorry she isn’t there for you anymore. Take the time to grieve how you need to and come back when you are ready. We’ll be waiting for you.

  4. Jenn says:

    Take the time you need and be kind to yourself. You are mourning a huge loss – Pepper was a sweet, wonderful girl, and the rawness of that loss will be with you a long time. We lost Oscar two years ago and there are still times when I find myself having a hard time breathing because the weight of losing him hits just that hard.

    We are here. And remember, you are always welcome to come and clear your head a bit. <3

  5. Jennifer says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your Pepper looked a lot like my Shai girl, that I lost 2 years ago. Time will eventually dull the pain, but it doesn’t go away completely. Allow yourself to grieve…it’s okay. Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.

  6. Jessica Chester says:

    Meghan, we are so sorry and sad to hear about your puppy, we send you lots of love, remember all dogs go to heaven…xxoo

  7. Anna-Marie @BeautyandtheBeets says:

    What a wonderful tribute. I just loss the love of my life on May 1 (tht is why I missed the bowling event) and I am still very raw. I am terrified of feeling like this the rest of my life everytime I think about her. Her and I also went through a breakup together and we started a new life together. She was my angel, my love, my best friend, It was especially hard to pick up her ashes as it made it all real. I still can’t believe she is gone as well- still almost 3 weeks later I still catch myself looking for her. I took a break from the blog too and tried to catch my breath- and slowly, very slowly I am getting back, though my life will never be the same. But Pepper supported you and she is still with you spiritually though not physically. Sometimes I find it helps to just look to the skies and cry for her, then I feel a sense of peace around me like she is here.
    I love your tribute, brought a crying spell on me. The only time animals ever break our hearts is when they go to the rainbow bridge. I miss my Zoey everyday and it is OK to cry, it is OK to feel empty and it is OK to take a break from anything you need a break from. Take care, you and Pepper are in my thoughts and in my heart today.

    • Meghan says:

      Thank you so much Anna-Marie! I am sorry for your loss as well. Its just still such a shock to the system. I went to my mom’s for the first time today since she passed and it was SO weird being there without her.

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