I kept going back and forth about whether to write a post about Pepper or not. For the last week I’ve pretty much thought of nothing else.
I don’t want to be at home because everything reminds me of her, but I haven’t been overly interested in hanging out with anyone because I really can’t think of anything else to talk about. I’ll feel like I’m doing better and then the littlest things will set me off. Seeing her dish still in the kitchen (I just can’t get myself to put it away), not having her come upstairs to greet me in the morning, or thinking about how when I dropped her off at the vet Wednesday morning I never thought in a million years that I wouldn’t be bringing her back home.
Pepper was the love of my life and for the last 5 years she was the one constant in my life. She helped keep me sane during my divorce, made my first apartment (and then townhouse) afterwards seem more like home, she was my travel buddy, my tv watching companion, and a constant fixture on the end of my fairly small couch. We were best buds.
She knew how I was feeling before I’d even figured it out. She was always smiling. She put up with all the silly things I’d do to her for the sake of a picture. She would cheer me up and still give me kisses even if I yelled at her. She would “dance” in my room every day when I got home for work. She loved rawhide bones. She was best friends with my mom’s dog. She loved everyone. And she loved me unconditionally.
Its been a week and I still can’t believe that she is gone. I can’t believe that I’ll never see her smiling face again. Or see her when I walk in the door. I feel like I’ve been robbed. I have to keep reminding myself that she isn’t here, or sleeping somewhere else, or at the doggie hotel. I miss her so much.
Everyone tells me that its okay to be upset and that it will take time to get over it. My friends and family have been so wonderful during all this. When I feel like I’m posting too many pictures or crying too much they remind me that its okay. That they understand. I would be an absolute mess if it weren’t for them. I haven’t seen them very much (my choice) but the texts, emails, and calls have made such a difference.
The day she died I posted about it on Facebook and over 100 people made comments. I couldn’t believe it. Each comment made my smile, cry, and realize just how much my sweet angel impacted the lives of everyone that met her. She really was a special animal.
I may need to take a little break from blogging because I can’t clear my mind long enough to write about much of anything. Even this was hard because I kept crying and getting off on tangents. Could you imagine me trying to write a post with substance right now? Ha! But I promise that I will be back and eventually I won’t be all mopey and going on and on about my dog.